Sunday Nights Are Slow Surrender

As the weekend winds down, I want to take this moment to encourage everyone to resist the urge to just settle into the couch at 8:37 and fade out in front of some ABC family programming and/or the latest offering from Netflix. Tomorrow will come either way, so take a couple hours tonight and do something fun. There is still good weekend left, so grab it. Grab it and wring every last drop of freedom out of it. Yup.

I will break my silence for this horseshit.

Hi. Been a while I know, but that is just the way we do. However, this self indulgent medium is the perfect forum for me to share my thoughts on The Woods, one of the Vintage Bar Group's LA watering holes. The Woods is a slightly Lincoln Log themed "whiskey" bar, where they offer a decent selection of Scotch, Irish and North American whiskey, some house cocktails and boring bottled beers. Whatever, its a fucking bar right? It is located in what could safely be called the heart of Hollywood, and its prices reflect that, with whiskeys starting at nine dollars each and stretching ever upward from there. Whatever, that's about par for course right? Get this though, on the bottom of their drink menu, in fine print below the list of highest shelf bourbons, it says:


"A one dollar upcharge will be added to all drinks ordered on the rocks or neat."



What the fuck is that shit?


Seriously. If you don't want to order a mixed drink, which will come on the rocks, watered down with soda or whatever, you have to pay more? Fuck that one thousand percent. I propose a revision, which I will submit forthwith to the Vintage Bar Group, who, incidentally, can shove it:

"All mixed drinks served here are certified to be less than one ounce pours, though we happily charge full price. If you have grown accustomed to good service, standard pours and fair pricing at another establishment, we apologize that we cannot accommodate your special needs and kindly ask that you be prepared to pay one dollar extra for a full 1.5 ounces served either neat or on the rocks."

Current or aspiring bar owners, take note-- This will not stand, dude.